Headlines in History: December 4, 1913

The fourth of December is upon us, and on this auspicious Hump Day, we remember the most famous humped creature of all: Joe Camel. This creature was so cool, got so many people to smoke cigarettes because they too wanted to wear sunglasses, store water in their backs, and carry men into battle for centuries, that Wikipedia has refused to put an image of him on his own page.  Alas, Joe, you have become one of the great villains of history: He Who Shall Not Be Seen. And with that, we slide on down into another edition of Headlines in History.

The Ontario Argus

To continue our coverage of the drama occurring in Utah, where Red Lopez has been holed up in a mine, the situation took a turn for the worse. The authorities had previously announced that there was no possibility that Lopez could have survived the smoke bombs which had been thrown in, nor the poisonous gases. All of them were wrong. Lopez was alive and well, ready to greet those cops when they entered the mine to find his body. The drama continues like TNT.

Outlaw Continues

 

The Evening World (NY, NY):

This is why the Men in Black had all sorts of people at the ready in their headquarters: when you tell an alien they are “undesirable” and that they aren’t allowed in the United States, things can get nasty. Serleena was all sorts of bent out of shape. Wait, this is actually a story about European immigrants? That kind of alien? Not as fun…

Aliens

 

East Oregonian (Pendleton, OR):

This next story may have been the precursor to The Hangover franchise. I’m guessing the plans for this bachelors party went terribly, terribly awry. Or the guy got cold feet and his pals helped him out. Either way, I do feel bad for the misses.

Hangover1

 

The Sun (NY, NY)

As much grief as I like to give Kaiser Wilhelm, he was a bold fellow who stood up for what he believed in: mustaches. And did that man have quite the ‘stache

KaiserStache